I’ll be in Peru for awhile! Follow this link: http://grccnews.wordpress.com/ to get to the other blog for photos and updates…we hope!
Feb
26
The bailouts are coming, you may have heard about it on TV. From Wall Street to Detroit to your house and mine. Free money will soon flow and all our problems will be solved.
Or, not.
People much smarter than me are predicting that our economy is in for a long, difficult haul. No matter how much money the government pumps into it, it will not be easy. It will also not be free. Remember the old saying about free lunches?
The numbers make my head hurt and my eyes glaze over. I mostly dozed through Econ in college, so I can’t really talk about this with authority.
But one thing I do know: whatever benefits come now will be paid for sometime, by someone. Those of us who live in the real world know this to be a fact.
We’ve learned it from ARM loans and the fallout of bad choices. We learned it by enduring and struggling and sticking with problems at work, at home, and everywhere in between.
My experience has been, my mistakes make a mess of my life, then I have to live with the mess. And about the only thing that gets me through the mess is the passage of time. And really, that’s how it works for all of us. It is time that enables us to adapt, to rebuild, and grow. It is time that brings equilibrium to our mess and strength to persevere.
And hard as it is to simply let time do its thing, usually any time we are bailed out, the process is skewed. We don’t adapt, rebuild, or grow. So we don’t learn the valuable lesson. I don’t know how the economy will turn out, but I know in real life, people who get bailed out time after time seem to continue to need it. It is only through taking care of ourselves and living with our own consequences that we grow up.
As a nation, we are apparently not there, yet. As individuals, we better be. Not only are we the ones footing the bulk of the bailout bill, but we don’t have anyone who can/will bail us out.
My grandfathers’ generation was tempered by depression and war. They lived modestly, saved, prepared, and did amazing things. Their lessons have not come easily for me, I must confess. But I am learning them. And, I understand. There are no free lunches. And the best way to treat a bailout is not not get into a position to need one. If it’s too late for that, then another of Granddad’s lessons applies. Suck it up, keep your nose to the grindstone, and press on.
As time passes, we’ll all get through it.
Feb
19
Consequences stink! We all have experienced (or suffered?) consequences that were results of our own actions. I took my girls to the beach one time when they were young and forgot to put sunscreen on the tops of my feet and got a bad sunburn. They (my feet, not my girls) are still are sensitive to sunlight and when I get sun on them, they still have the “flip-flop tan lines.” (I do live in South Florida, you know!) That, of course is a meaningless example. Life provides us with many more that are much more serious.
Heavy smokers will probably get cancer. Those who are promiscuous will eventually deal with STD’s or unwanted pregnancy. Overeaters (gulp) will battle obesity and the health issues that come along with it. An industry that made bad loans based on inflated property values will eventually crash and take the economy down with it.
You probably get my point. We do things, or don’t things that bring consequences. That is true in every part of life.
Some in our culture refuse to admit or accept that. That drives the victim-mentality that clogs the courts and generates often ridiculous legislation. But the fact remains, consequences cannot be avoided, no matter what.
Actually, there are a few other facts about consequences that I’ve observed in life.
One is, consequences are not punishment, and they are simply consequences. “Why is God punishing me for_______?” we hear. I suggest that when any of us are in the middle of the mess we have created, it is not God’s punishment. He hasn’t worked that way since the Old Testament. No, you are not being punished…you are simply experiencing consequences. And remember my first statement? They stink.
The second fact is, not only can consequences not be avoided, but I don’t recall them ever disappearing either. I can tell you, I’ve prayed for some to go away! But my experience has been, they don’t. The only way to get through consequences is to…get through them. As time passes and we grow accustomed to our situation it can change us. We grow stronger, more disciplined, and more patient. The pain of consequences becomes less simply as our tolerance of pain adjusts.
But here is the third fact: That is where blessings are found! Compare it to doing manual labor or going to the gym. In the short term, you get blisters on your hands and very sore muscles. It is painful and gets in the way of subsequent activity. But in time, you get calluses or your muscles tone up. In time, the pain gives way and you are stronger and tougher. This means that in time, as you deal with your own consequences you are becoming a better person. And the lessons you’re learned quip you to help others. If you will.
No question, consequences stink and we all hate them. But the reality is, there is purpose for them.
Feb
10
Boy, that came out of nowhere! Then the fear and worry began.
“It’s not a good time…How can we afford it right now?” In many ways it seemed like the worst possible time to have a baby. I was in graduate school, and working with a very small church in Mississippi for $275 per week. My wife had just started teaching in a nearby town, but despite seven years experience in another state, she could only get a one-year contract in a Mississippi public school. Since she was already pregnant, we could not get insurance coverage for it.
On the other hand, in many ways it was a great time to have a baby. Our girls were old enough to enjoy the pregnancy and their new little brother when he arrived. Yonnie and I were young enough to be able to do it–but old enough to have matured and mellowed. I was in school but my job was not terribly demanding.
Let me first say that our initial shock had nothing to do with not wanting another baby. My worry at the time was purely from a short-term financial perspective. How could we afford this? What would we do? That was about 19 years ago! My son graduates from high school in a few months and already has his college plans mapped out. Clearly, it all worked out.
Here is my point. At the time the immediate future seemed extremely difficult. Even frightening. But we got through it. We just had the baby, did our best, and got through the fear and worry and short-term financial troubles.
We had help. Josh was 5 weeks early; that combined with our income to qualify us for WIC, which was extremely helpful. And experiencing that process helped me gain a very different view of those who rely on government programs for life, let me tell you!
We all face troubles in life. Whether it is an ill-timed pregnancy, a lost job (I’ve been there, too!), being behind on bills, a frightening diagnosis–well, you get the picture. None of us are immune. And, none of us are probably finished.
But here is one thing I’ve learned. When things are difficult, don’t give up.
Do everything you can to help yourself and your situation. Trust God. Be patient, time will pass and you will get through it.
Understand that your problem/challenge/difficulty may not go away. You may emerge on the other side very different that you were–in fact the “thing” you’ve been through may have changed your whole life. That’s okay. Change usually means growth. Growth usually means you’re better than before.
The last thought: It is hard! No matter what it is, when you are in the middle of a crisis, it feels to you like the most difficult thing, ever. Amazingly however, you will discover how much strength you really have. And you will come to realize something important: you can handle whatever it is–in fact, you can handle more than you thought possible.
We were pregnant and it was scary. But I cannot imagine life without my son, or his sisters. We have wonderful memories from those early years with a house full of small children. And along the way, I learned a lot about myself.
You can, too!
Feb
06
I live in South Florida, so I am not easily shocked or surprised. But I heard an ad on one of the local sports talk radio stations that still boggles my mind. It was a commercial for an agency that pairs people who want to have extramarital affairs!
They guarantee…what…success?! Is this “Myspace for Adulterers?”
I always thought cheating on your spouse was a bad thing. Isn’t that why those “no tell motels” exist? Adultery is supposed to be shameful enough that you don’t use your real name or go anyplace you might be recognized.
But now, you get a whole team of people (or at least someone with a web site) to help you find that special person…so two families can be devastated.
What else are we willing to accept as a society? TV commercials for crack dealers? Want ads for hit-men? Head hunters for child molesters?
One thing I’ve learned through the years is that human emotions tend to be less than dependable. We all have those proverbial “ups and downs.” That even includes our feelings toward our spouses at times. After nearly 30 years of marriage I can tell you that it is not like the movies! But I can also tell you after nearly 30 years of marriage that even on the occasional “off” day, to be with someone with whom you have history, with whom you’ve shared a lifetime of experiences, with whom you share all the inside jokes of life…well, it’s pretty amazing.
And very worth sticking it out.
Hey, I know everyone has problems. My parents did, yours have, no one is immune. And sometimes mistakes just snowball and things get out of control.
But you can always start over. Right where you are. Renew commitments, remake promises, resolve not to repeat past mistakes. It really does work.
If you need help, let me know, I’ll try to talk you down.
Feb
05
Those old pictures tell just how young we were, when the first baby was born. Old glasses and hair styles (although it was nice and brown instead of gray), quite a bit thinner…I was a kid!
But somewhere around that time, I finally figured out that if I had a child it was time to be a grownup. Mind you, I did not embrace it. I still wanted the world to revolve around me. You can ask my wife, although she’s too kind and forgiving to tell you.
For all of us the time comes. We know we are not a kid anymore and it is time to act our age–or at least act in accordance with the point in life to which we’ve arrived. I had a beautfifl little girl who would one day call me Daddy. I had to be the dad.
Well I turned fifty a few months ago and in the mirror I look more like a granddad. My baby girl has grown up and has a husband of her own. She also has a sister and brother who are nearly grown up themselves. I marvel sometimes at things guys do or say. Clearly they missed the point…when you’re a dad, a husband, have a job/mortgage, etc. it’s time to be a grownup.
That doesn’t mean we have to act like our granddads about everything. My wife is on a kick of doing “fun things,” some of which include mechanical bulls and hot-air balloons. I’m not sure how I’ll be involved in that (it will probably depend a great deal on how much it costs!!). By point is, there is still a lot of fun and adventure to be had in life. Fifty, they say, is the new forty…or is it thirty? I can’t ever remember those things.
But being a grownup means accepting responsibility. For your actions. For the welfare of your family. For doing the tough jobs and the difficult tasks of life. That means you sacrifice. You stay when you want to go. You don’t even think about that new woman in the next office when your wife and kids are counting on you to be there for them. You pay your bills and buy groceries instead of drinking/gambling or otherwise wasting your paycheck.
Oh…I’m now sounding like my granddad. Oh, well, that’s who I am. I’m a grownup.
It’s kind of cool, really.
